At the End of Memories
by Raven Konirish Darkheart
Summary: A songfic about what Ken had to go through on the road to becoming the hero that we all know and love, the sond is In The End


At the end of Memories  
  
It starts with one thing  
I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme  
To explain in due time  
  
I watched as my brother spoke to another reporter who had flanked him all the way from home, I did not like the reporters; they were always taking up Sam's time. That and Sam always acted different when there was a reporter around, it was like he was two different people, at times he would be the kind bubble blowing brother that I loved. But at other times he was the cold Genius who looked down on me like I was a minor bug, which had to be squashed. I loved my brother but at the times when he was looked down upon me, I wished that he were not there. Sam got all the attention around the household and I always got in the way, there were times when I had seen kids and there parents at the park playing and he wished with all his heart that he could have that kind of family. Sometimes I wish Sam would just disappear I thought but I always shook the thought away as soon as it came, I loved my brother and I knew deep down inside of myself that even though he did not show it very often, Sam loved me as well.  
  
All I know  
Time is a valuable thing  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
The clock ticks life away  
  
I heard the screeching of tires and the sickening thud of my brother's body hitting the pavement. I let out a tearful scream and practically flew to my brothers side, Sam was covered in bruises and blood, I stared into the lifeless eyes of my brother and felt hot tears coursing down my cheeks, this was all my fault, if only I hadn't wished my brother away, if only I had let his brother study instead of pestering him to come outside and kick the ball. I knew my brother was gone now and it was all my fault, how would I face my parents, as I picked up Sam's glasses off of the ground I made a silent prayer to my dead brother, I would become Sam, no I would become better then Sam, then maybe then, I could finally forgive myself for taking my brothers life. I looked up as the paramedics arrived and carried my brother off for the final time.  
  
It's so unreal  
I didn't look out below  
Watch the time go right out the window  
Try to hold on  
Didn't even know   
I wasted it all  
To watch you go  
I sat in the sand and cradled my partner in my arms, I had not meant for Wormmon to get involved in all of this, everyone I love always has to die, tears slide down my cheeks as my only partner, my only friend disappeared into a cloud of digital dust. Pain, misery, depression, anxiety and fear welled up inside of my body, I barely heard to voices of the digidestined as they berated me on how stupid I had been. I got up and stumbled down the sand dune, I had no particular direction, I just wanted to get out of there and fast. Tears continued to slide down my cheeks as I walked out of the desert and towards the nearest digiport. When I got home I found my mom and dad in the living room crying, I to was crying and begged for my parents, now the only thing in my life, to forgive me as I collapsed in a heap, weeping brokenly in my mothers warm embrace.  
  
I kept everything inside  
Even though I tried  
It all fell apart  
What it all meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time  
I tried so hard and got so far  
But in the end it doesn't even matter  
I had to fall to lose it all  
But in the end it doesn't even matter  
  
The digidestined wanted me to go to there side, to join there group, but I did not know if I could trust myself just yet. I had done such terrible things, I was the only one who could right them, and I had to do it by myself. I wrapped my arms around my thin body and fell to my knees, how could they just forgive me. The things the digimon in primary village said came back to me and I started to cry again, no, I would right the problems I caused by myself and then leave the digital world for good. Maybe Wormmon could live with me so that I would never have to be alone again, I had long ago let myself forgive what I did to Sam but I did not think I could ever let myself forgive the pain I had caused the digital world and its occupants.  
  
One thing I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme to remind myself how I tried so hard  
Its part of the way you were mocking me   
Acting like I was part of your property   
  
Archnemon, how I cursed her name, she had used me to hurt the digital world and she had enjoyed it; she had used my negative emotions over my dear brothers death to make me her slave. With all the knowledge and all the power I had once possessed I still had not known that the digimon were not the only puppets around. I was tired of being used like a rag doll, now I had to stand up and fight, if that meant I had to join the other digidestined then I would do it. No matter how much I hate to admit it, Archnemon is just to strong for me to take alone, I need all of the help I can get.  
  
Remembering all the times you fought with me  
I'm surprised it got so far  
Things aren't the way they were before  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
Not that you knew me back then  
But it all comes back to me in the end  
  
Now I was thoroughly confused, they had wanted me to join them hadn't they, the boy Davis was all right and so was Yolei, they accepted me as if I had done nothing wrong. Kari talked to me like a person, but I could see that shadow behind her eyes, Kari and I were at a mutual understanding of one another, we both had a darkness inside that we could never get rid of. TK Joked around with me like the others but like Kari there was still a doubt. The only one I was having problems with was Cody, he did not seem to want to even attempt the friendship thing, and he couldn't even stand to work with me let alone be my friend. But none of them understand me, inside my heart I feel that I will never fully be a digidestined, and what scares me the most was that the thought does not bother me all that much. In the end, I was still the one who had hurt their digimon and even them on some occasions.  
  
You kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart  
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory  
Of a time  
I tried so hard and got so far  
But in the end it doesn't even matter   
I had to fall to lose it all  
But it the end it doesn't even matter  
  
  
Blackwargreymon is trying to destroy the destiny stones, we have tried so hard to stop him but all was for naught, I watch helplessly as the last of the precious destiny stones are destroyed. Along with the destiny stone, something inside of me is destroyed as well. To myself its like nothing ever matters anymore, we tried so hard to protect them and here the last one lays broken in a heap of stone and rubble. I watch as the faces of my comrades fall and show the emotions that I feel so plainly instead, it is written on their faces, they thought the same things as I, we had lost, and now the digital world that we had fought so hard to protect would be destroyed.  
  
I've put my trust in you Pushed as far as I can go  
For all this there's only one thing you should know  
I've put my trust in you pushed as far as I can go  
For all this there's only one thing you should know  
  
I held my digivice in my hand, pain radiated through my arm as I held on for dear like to the device that had at one time caused so much pain and suffering. I saw the portal opening up in front of me but my hold on the darkness within was slipping, I felt myself falling again, but this time someone caught me, in my ear I heard my friends giving me hope and inspiration to hold on, they were telling me that is was not my fault and that I was not alone. In that instant I could feel a new power rising within me, it was the power of love and friendship and with this new power I felt I could do anything, I would hold on, if not for my world or myself then I would do it for them, the people who believe in me.  
  
I tried so hard and got so far  
But in the end it doesn't even matter   
I had to fall to lose it all  
But it the end it doesn't even matter  
  
As I knelt down in front of my brothers grave I felt a since of peace wash over me, I had been wrong to think that I could replace him or be better then him, now I know that. I place the shattered glasses on the tombstone and walk away from my past forever, from now on I will think only of what is ahead of me and not what is behind me. Only some things can I change and what I have learned is the past is not one of them and the future is never certain.  
  
  
Disclaimer- Ok peeps if you really think that I own digimon then you need to have a cat scan because there is obviously something wrong with you, and to the people that own digimon, I am sorry please don't sue me!  
  
Davis: You are really pathetic you know that.  
  
Raven: (mumbling) Damn muses why can't they pick on there own kind.  
  
Lightening: Aw but you are sooo fun to pick on, we only usually pick on the people with the messed up minds.  
  
Raven: I resent that, my mind is perfect and anyways it was my mind that created you so I would not be complaining.  
  
Lynx: She does have a point!  
  
Lynx, Davis and Lightening: (sigh) then that makes us messed up to; it's the end of the world, as we know it!  
  
Raven Darkheart 


End file.
